Oh man, all those were so witty! And hilarious!
Kinda reminded me of a list of jokes I got years n years ago, I found it again just the other day, might as well put part of it up... More enigmas of the English language!
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present
the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in
France (surprise!).
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One
goose two geese, so one moose, two meese? Doesn't it seem crazy, that you
can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an
end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite
at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat
chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have
to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up
as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in
which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That
is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
out, they are invisible.
P.S. Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
And a few I made up:
One house, two houses. One mouse, two... mouses?
One child, two children. So are there also two adultren? Elderen?
I like to fish. Yesterday I caught a fish, while Jim caught two fish.
The opposite of progress is Congress (Hey, it IS true ^_^).
There are conmen and convicts. So are honest men promen and innocents provicts?
What is a contradiction against? A protradiction?
The body has contours... and protours?
If it's curved inward, it's concave, like a cave. If it's curved outward, it's convex, like a... vex?
A whale is known to wail, and it is no fluke when it waves its fluke.
A butterfly contains no butter.
I have yet to see a bumble-bee bumble.
When it comes to America, football rarely involves the foot meeting the ball.
On the black market, a doctor sells cells, hiding them secret cels.
What you eat is your diet. So what is so different when someone "goes on a diet"? And how can a diet be healthy if it's being eaten?
We all know what blackmail is. So is letting people do as they please whitemail?
A bear runs around barefooted.
The water moccasin almost bit the Indian's moccasin when he stopped to pick a moccasin.
Catch that bird! It might poop on my Grey Poupon! (Yeah, I know that's not English, but we're the ones who chose to sell that name here ^_^)
Tom Sawyer's aunt saw him lickin' out of the jelly jar, so she gave him a lickin'.
The care-free young man likes to gambol and gamble.